This story is written by Les Lea
Gwyneth filled me in on what mom and dad were up to. Mom was receiving a very prestigious award, which was why she looked so elegant, and as a result she had to extend her lecture tour for an extra couple of weeks. Dad was still in Seoul working with the Korean’s on the firm’s latest development and that had also been extended. Once mom’s tour was over she was going to join dad in Korea for a little while before returning home. Gwyneth thought dad would be away for even longer than anticipated as progress had been slow at the new overseas suppliers.
“Well Benjy, it looks like you’re going to be with me for some time… hope you don’t mind?” She ruffled my hair and kissed the top of my head.
Meanwhile, I sat and listened to her fill me in on all the news but just wished mom had told it all to me instead of hearing it second hand. I was a still a bit angry at mom rushing here, there and everywhere for everyone else… but not me… and every time I thought about it my chest heaved and I was on the verge of tears.
I know not being clever disappointed everyone but I often felt that I didn’t matter that much to my parents, even though I tried not to be… stupid. However, I was also very aware of my little shorts and no matter how I sat (or stood) my diaper could be seen both at the leg holes and above the waistband. I’m sure mom and dad would both have thought I was being just that… stupid… if they could see me now. Despite Gwyneth choosing this very childish set of clothes I couldn’t be angry with her because… at least she was here for me… looking after me… helping me… and giving me what I needed. I burst into tears again but this time in gratitude and hugged my sister tightly.
I truly loved the dressing up games that Gwyneth had arranged. I loved the diapers more than I ever thought I would but I knew it couldn’t go on this way, least of all because I was due back at work in the morning. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to returning to a life of stacking shelves and cleaning up the car park but that was my job. It felt really weird sitting there dressed as I was and thinking of grown up stuff like work and I wriggled in the comfort of my thick protection wondering if I could get away with wearing it under my green uniform.
Returning to work had never been mentioned but after playing with my truck for a little while I thought I’d better bring up the subject. Gwyneth was deep in thought and fervently typing into her laptop. I wasn’t sure if I should disturb her when she was in her creative zone but I needed her to know. I anxiously hung around the kitchen door waiting for a suitable break so I could ask my question. She looked up.
“God, you do look so damned adorable,” and she beckoned me over, “what does my little Benjy want?”
Oddly enough I hadn’t planned on exactly what to say so when she put her arm around my shoulders and looked into my eyes I was still looking for the right words. I could see she was waiting so I first asked if she had found her story yet.
She let me go, turned to the screen and said. “Yes, I think I’ve got some ideas.” She then patted my bum. “I think you are helping in such a terrific way.” She didn’t say in what way. “I like you being here. I like having my little brother around. I like… well… I like your innocent and uncomplicated approach to life.”
This wasn’t what I was expecting and it threw me a little. I was living a life she had seen for me, a life she controlled and directed, a life, yes, I had to admit, I was enjoying. I loved being ‘little’ and I loved the fact that my big sister wanted me to be happy and have no fears about… well… anything.
Eventually I plucked up the courage to ask her. “Will all this finish tomorrow when I have to go to work?”
Standing in front of Gwyneth, looking like a toddler, I bet she could hardly believe her little brother even had a job but I needed to know.
There was a moments silence before she answered. “Do you want it to?”
I could feel the comfort of my diaper hugging me tightly, the plastic pants gripping my legs, the sweet little shirt with the duckies on and my tiny little shorts all screaming the same answer at me.
What I really said was, “I don’t know. I have to work. I have to prove to mom and dad I’m not entirely useless I have to…”
She gently pulled me into her bosom and whilst one hand hugged and stroked my padded bottom the other the other stroked my hair. It was a lovely soft embrace and I could feel her love and understanding as she soothed my sudden and unexpected tears.
I felt unable to cope. I didn’t want to have to make decisions; I didn’t ever want to make decisions again. I liked it just where I was. I liked living with Gwyneth more than at home where I hardly had anyone to speak with and spent my time watching TV and going to work (more to break the boredom than anything else). My parents hardly ever chatted or encouraged me about anything much and was left to my own devices in that big house.
This ‘little’ me was fun; I wasn’t when at home. This ‘little’ me had imagination; I appeared to have none when my parents were around. This ‘little’ me could have friends; and that’s what I wanted more than anything else. I wanted my childhood back and the chance to find those happy times all over again. Gwyneth had given me this opportunity, had identified clearly something I desired and offered it with no strings attached.
Without saying anything, I just knew that Gwyneth understood this and in her gentle embrace I also knew that was exactly what she wanted for me. Strip me down and start again. She may have been surprised at the speed I took to it all but perhaps that was down to the desperate need I felt.
“Benjy, I think you should have what you want,” she paused as my tears turned into hiccups and she patted my back, “and what you need right now is to be ‘little’… because… you are a sweet and completely different boy when you are… and I love it… and love you.”
My tears eventually dried up but Gwyneth still held me tenderly. I didn’t want to break away but I still didn’t have an answer.
“Can I please stay in my diapers with you and Teddy?” In my head it was a strong question but it came out as a childish, unsure whisper.
Gwyneth smiled. “I think that would be for the best. Don’t you worry about anything I’ll sort it out with the store manager. Your job now is to be a little boy who’s out to have fun and be happy.”
A shiver of relief and excitement ran through my body and I hugged my wonderful big sister even more fervently.
Gwyneth called me and said we were going out. Teddy and I had been having battles with our little cartoon characters which featured imaginary dinosaurs and dragons… I wondered if Gwyneth would get me some.
“Where are we going?” I asked as I eagerly rushed to my sister’s side as she grabbed her bag and car keys.
“I don’t want you to stay inside on such a lovely day so we’re off to the park.”
Although I was keen to go out myself I realised that the nearby park may well have people I know enjoying the sunshine and wondered what they might think of the way I was dressed. I’d gotten used to it now but thought my diaper would act like a beacon to anyone who wanted to mock or generally be unkind. Again any thoughts and doubts I may have had were demolished as Gwyneth grabbed my hand and led me out to the car. I didn’t want her to think I was scared of the consequences but I was.
I should have known my sister wouldn’t have put me in a situation to embarrass me as we drove for quite some time before we ended up at a park I’d never been to before. Once she’d parked up we got out and she opened the trunk to reveal that she had brought a picnic and in amongst the basket, blanket and chairs were a few of my toys and a ball. This was a terrific surprise and I smiled and helped her carry all the stuff towards a little picnic area where another man and boy were already sitting.
As we got closer I realised that it was actually Little Pauly and his dada. Pauly was wearing a huge monkey face on his white t-shirt and his little red shorts had monkeys climbing all around, all this was set of by bright red plastic sandals, which I thought looked fantastic and wanted a pair. Gwyneth and ‘dada’ greeted each other with air kisses and I was formally introduced to him.
“This is my little brother Benjy,” I shyly nodded at the man, “This is Pauly’s dada Mr Peak.”
“Erm, er, hello sir,” was all I could say as he smiled at me and let go of Pauly’s hand.
“I think we should let the little ones go and play… don’t you?” Mr Peak said to Gwyneth who nodded in agreement.
With that Pauly grabbed my hand and led me towards a little sandpit near the swings. He’d already started building a sandcastle and his bucket, spade, flags, toys and an assortment of other colourful shapes lay around.
His little voice encouraged me to start to build my own castle and it wasn’t long before I’d got the start of a huge complex going and Pauly was organising a road between the two buildings.
Like me, every time he moved his protection could be seen. Like mine, his shorts were very short and the pink plastic protection he wore to hold up his diaper was thick and shiny and once again I thought they looked fantastic and wanted some.
We were getting on really well. We giggled a lot as the entire sandpit became our kingdom where we were building villages and stuff everywhere. He’d even brought a couple of plastic dragons (I assumed from the castle he’d bought at the toys store) and it was brilliant as we got carried away and let our imaginations run wild.
We were called to eat and I noticed that dada spoon fed Pauly all his food. In between every fifth spoonful he held up the sippy cup for him to drink but, even with his Winnie The Pooh bib in place, he was a messy eater. His dada was continually wiping his face of sauce or crumbs but Pauly was enjoying the picnic and none of this bothered him at all.
We appeared to be the only people in the park and after we’d eaten we sat in the shade under a tree. Dada hugged Pauly and gently rocked him as he fell asleep for an afternoon nap but I was wide awake. I wanted to carry on playing on the swing or in the sandpit but Gwyneth said to I had to rest and I didn’t think I could defy her so, nestling in her arms I sat quietly and before long had dozed of myself.
I woke up to see Pauly in the middle of being changed. Right in front of both Gwyneth and me his dada had pulled down his shorts, unpopped his plastic pants and removed his soggy diaper. Like me Pauly had no hair down there, but there was a little piece of plastic locked around his pee-pee. I wasn’t sure what that was for but I suppose it kept everything neat and tidy. All through the process Pauly was sucking on a red pacifier that looked like it had a huge smile on it. That looked funny and I giggled as Gwyneth checked my diaper.
I was soaked without being aware of it so Gwyneth laid me side by side with Pauly and began my change. Being naked in the sun was a nice feeling but I wasn’t sure I wanted an audience.
However, I remembered the young boy at the mall and he had no worries about being changed in public, so I tried not to let it bother me. Gwyneth popped in my paci as she wiped and powdered me and within seconds I was wrapped in a new diaper with extra padding (I had wet a lot) and once the plastic pants had been pulled into place we boys were left to play on the blanket for a bit.
However, Pauly wanted to get back to our castles and he wandered over wearing no shorts. His dada sort of shrugged and continued his conversation with Gwyneth and I was allowed to join him. Wearing just our padding was revealing but neither of the adults seemed to care. Gwyneth thought the plastic pants should be enough protection from our diapers getting full of sand, so pretty soon we were left to play on our own whilst the adults did whatever it was that adults do. We were so into our game we didn’t even notice them.
We’d played for hours; swinging on the swings, building in the sandpit, chasing each other, kicking a ball about and we were both hot, sweaty and tuckered out when told it was home time. Pauly collected all his toys then together we jumped on our creations pretending we were giants in a mad, fun rampage of destruction that had us both roaring and laughing in equal measure.
Once our castles had been reduced back to sand Pauly rushed to his dada who checked him once more before being satisfied he was dry enough to travel. He helped him back into his monkey shorts and then, hand in hand, said their goodbyes and headed for their car. Gwyneth hugged me and asked if I’d had a fun day and I had to admit it had been super, in fact it had been super fabulous. Before I put on my shorts Gwyneth checked me but I was still dry. She tried to pull up my shorts but with all the extra padding that proved difficult so I was driven home wearing just my bulky protection. Every time we passed a truck I wondered if the driver could see into our car and know what I had on… and if he did, what he thought.
Once home I hugged Teddy and apologised for not taking him with us. He was still dressed the same as me so we just slipped back into our game where we left off. Meanwhile, Gwyneth had opened her laptop and was typing furiously. I was hoping that she had been inspired by our day out. However, time just flew by and before long she said it was time to have a bath and get ready for bed.
Whilst she bathed me we talked about the day and I said how much I’d enjoyed it. I told her how much I liked Pauly’s clothes, especially his red plastic sandals… and his monkeys… and his pink plastic pants… in fact everything. She asked if I’d noticed the little plastic thing on his pee-pee. I nodded so she asked if I knew what it was. I shook my head.
“Well, er, it’s there to stop him from, er, getting over excited.” I looked blankly up at her. “It prevents him from getting…” She was finding it difficult to find the words but in the end blurted out,
I looked surprised.
“His dada doesn’t like him to be anything but a toddler and doesn’t want him to have to worry about… grown up things…” she carried on explaining.
I think this must have been all part of the deep conversations they were having whilst we went off and played.
“Is it something you’d like?” I wasn’t sure if she was hopeful or wondering and to be truthful I wasn’t sure either, so I just shrugged and went back to playing with my toy boats.
After the bath Gwyneth diapered me up and pulled on my plastic pants. She was about to fit me into my footer when I told her I was too hot and pointed to Teddy, who was back sitting on my bed, and asked if I could I sleep like he was. Gwyneth seemed happy with this arrangement and gave me a bottle of strawberry milk to drink to help me sleep. She stayed with me until I’d sucked down the lot, chatting away about this and that and just before I was left to go to sleep she told me that her latest story was coming along nicely and she’d already written the dedication at the front. She said she had two and I had to decide which I liked best.
THANKS TO MY BROTHER BENJAMIN FOR HIS INSPIRATION
THANKS TO MY LITTLE BROTHER BENJY FOR HIS CONSTANT INSPIRATION
I thought for a moment and then said, “The second.”
I fell asleep happy and proud. It was only 7.15 on my bedside clock but I was out like a light it had been such a hectic day.
This story is written by Les Lea
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