Long Post, but good info. Skip to bottom for medical update
Let me start off by saying that I’ll try and keep posting, updating etc.
This is as much for my use as it is for everyone else. I’ve been told that this is a once in a lifetime ride, (okay, maybe twice….) and that one should keep a
record of it.
Now the first six weeks was a lot of trial
and error. Having cerebral palsy, I had to find reliable ways to get myself diapered correctly, so as not to leak during the day, or at night.
I went through an extra case or two of diapers, just troubleshooting, trying to find out how to diaper with one hand, and to prevent leaks at all times.
The rest of those first couple months was research, and all mental. How to approach the next year of my life, what techniques, and plans to use, and
how to get through all that mental programming telling me this was ALL WRONG. As I mentioned before, this is not sexual for me at all, one of the reasons that I can keep going dirty
diaper after dirty diaper.
I’ve been told at least that those that wear strictly for comfort have a MUCH higher chance of success of seeing things through then those who wear as part of sexual desires, as each diaper can become less and less fun over
time. However everyone wants to feel comfortable right?
Moving on…. with the mental programming I was one of those kids who got up the courage to tell their parents what was going on, the whole
wanting to wear diapers, and what not. My parents overreacted a bit.
Within two weeks I was sitting in the office of a child psychiatrist, trying to get fixed, as if there is a cure for such a thing, and and if such a thing was so perverse that I must be cured of it
immediately. Well it didn’t work obviously, all it brought was more shame. The reason that I’m telling you all this is because we all most likely have some kind of mental baggage that we carry around.
Even if it’s from the time we are 3-5 years old and getting potty trained
and being told that diapers are all wrong, and not for “big kids”. What I’ve seen if you take away all the B.S. from all the instruction manuals out there, all the tips, all the guides, is 65% of this
journey is getting rid of the baggage, working through the issues, re-programming your thought process, trusting that your diapers will hold, anytime, anywhere, and accepting as true that it’s okay to wear diapers, and that’s who I am.
Now I tried many things over the years, I finally turned to hypnosis, not the cds that you can purchase, but somebody live. I didn’t become Incontinent in those sessions, however I did work
through a lot of crap. Everything else since then has come easy.
You won’t get ANYWHERE until you The other 25% of all is relaxation. You’ve gotta relax your body, as well as your sphincters. This was very lightly touched on many posts, how-to’s and
guides that I read, but I will repeat it again you’ve got to relax your
sphincters, as well as your bladder.
Did you know when you squeeze out the last bit of urine after emptying your bladder, those muscle,both bladder and sphincter, your actually strengthening those muscles. Reversing the work you’ve been doing all day.
Try NOT to squeeze for as long as
possible, it’s hard at first, but will soon become a habit. Also relax the sphincters whenever possible.
Keep them in that relaxed position.
Once you get into the habit of this, it will send a message to the internal sphincter (Along with letting go as soon as the urge arises), that your ready to go. You’ll start feeling your bladder spasm, and urine may or may
not flow at first, rest assured, it will eventually. (As stated in the 12 month program, relaxing the sphincters, you may or may not go, that’s not the
point, the point is to keep them relaxed for the above reasons).
On the note about keeping things relaxed, and mental blocks, be sure to urinate anytime anywhere, in front of anyone, Not on purpose mind you, but if you get the urge just let it flow, even if
you think your diaper might not hold it, or if your between changes, trying to air, shaving down there, etc. The sooner your mind thinks its okay to
go anywhere anytime, not just in diapers, the sooner you’ll rely on diapers.
The last 10% is broken into 5% and 5%. Patience, and Pampering, or keeping things fun. Be patient
with yourself when things don’t go right, when you have your first wet pair of pants out in public. Be patient, when you get frustrated, your not quite in
the habit of wearing, think an occasion will be easier without diapers, and go without, get mad at yourself and come back to them.
Be patient when you have your first wet bed, and need to get up at 2:00AM to change it, and yourself, when you have
work in the morning. Be patient with the chaffing, and the rashes. There no fun, but can be taken care of. (For chaffing, especially if its constant, get some 1% hydrocordozone creme, or ointment, the greasier stuff for friction). Be patient with the damned leaky diaper that isn’t close to being full, shouldn’t leak, but does.
ANY DIAPER CAN LEAK
IN THE RIGHT POSITION.
Lastly be patient getting things working for you, that is finding a quick and reliable way to diaper yourself, standing up, and lying down. Getting set up with supplies the first few weeks, where to put, how to buy (that mental block
helps with buying stuff in public, trust me). And a system of cleanup. Pampering, remember to keep things fun. You don’t want this to start feeling like a chore, day in, day out, you’ve gotta keep things fun, interesting, pamper yourself.
Take the time that your changing yourself, whenever, and wherever, it may be, and take it for you. Pamper for you. Enjoy the sensations, the intimate touch, the feeling of being cleaned up, the smell of powder, and the feeling of a fresh, dry diaper. Let yourself air out for a minute or two, don’t try and rush the process unless you have to. This is
Your probably gonna want to stay clean and smooth down there, so make sure whatever it is you do to do so, isn’t a chore. I’ve found using a razor day in and day out, and the cleanup of
shaving gel, or cream, is just a pain in the ass. You can always get waxed, but eventually, people aren’t gonna want you leaking on them.
I chose the seiko clean cut, its’s about $50 the size off a mini flashlight and takes two minutes a day, no pain, no razor burn etc. If you can take that time for you, then great, do it. This has all been about keeping yourself clean.
Find at least someone you can talk to, a friend, a S/O, even if you tell them it’s for medical reasons, allow it to be open, so you can joke about, have fun with it. I know it’s been said before, but keep a record, of this.
It’s a rollarcoaster, ups and downs, good and bad, once in a lifetime
journey, start a blog, a new thread, a
journal, something that you can look back on, and say, WOW!, what the hell was I thinking.
On a finishing note of this section, I have some friends who know I’m trying to become incontinent, and some who think I’m already there. To answer the question does my dad know. No my family doe not. They think it’s due to a seizure that I had last year. I didn’t want to go down the path I went down when I was 13, even if it was only disapproval, and a conversation.
My dad, being a doctor, suggested
I see a urologist. I agreed, but more track what was happening inside my own body, then for a cure, and that leads us to us to where we starting talking about this.
I did see the urologist yesterday. After all that testing he had some mixed results. He concluded with the urodynamics test that I although my
bladder has symptoms of an overactive bladder, it is actually spasming while it’s filling, which gives me the urge to urinate, and my bladder is now too weak to expel all the urine from the bladder, which basically means it has atrophied. This also means that although I get those constant urges to urinate, because I haven’t squeezed my sphincters in so long, my bladder still retains fluid, which makes me have to go more frequently as when my bladder starts to fill up again, there is still urine in the bladder. He said at this point, my abs are trying to compensate to get that last bit of urine out.
He wrote me a prescription for a medication called Terazosin, which builds up that muscle tone a bit,
and makes it easier to urinate.
This is where the buck stops for me. I’m not going on any medications, or having any surgeries (which he
said he was against anyways). In six weeks, I’ll tell him this isn’t working, he’ll write me a prescription
for one more, six weeks after that, I’ll tell him thats not working.
Thank you very much, no more tests, no surgeries, no more drugs, follow up with him every 3-4 months.
My dad’s curiosity is satisfied, so
is my urologists. If something severe develops, I can always call on either one. I do find it interesting that my bladder has atrophied to the point where it can no longer expel liquid,
even if I try.
I’m three days shy of 3 full months in
diapers. Your body changes quickly. In some ways I’m ahead of where the 12 month program puts one at the start of four months. I have a feeling by 12 months, I won’t even know whats happening.
One note to everyone, I’m hoping that this thread can become a resource for those seriously wanting to know what the day in, and day out life would be,
if one started down this road. I’ve never been one to hold back much, I’m pretty open, and on the on the note of going to tell people to jump in the lake, I’ll try not to do that. If anyone does have any questions, regarding any aspect, whether it be medical, my outlooks on the journey, my motivation, or even how I’m coping, or anything
else for that matter, speak up.
This should be a resource, about the day in, and day out stuff, what people learn, tips, tricks, things to do, things to
avoid. There are plenty of guides out there, the most comprehensive, probably being the 12 month
program, which will give you the facts on how to get things done, and by all means, read it, re-read it. It’s
What I’ve found scattered around is day in and day out stuff, tips and tricks, and what not, how to deal with all of this. That’s why I’m doing this.
Comments, questions, and concerns are always welcome.